America ***IN REVIEW***

The following is a review of a road trip I took in September of 2017. I think I wrote it in September of 2017. It is not to be taken at all seriously.

we drove through 13 states and visited 10 cities (and 4 sec schools)

virginia
just drove through
roads: B, good shape, most southern drivers know how to use a two-lane highway
food: n/a
sights: D, rural highways
people: C, chatty but genuine

tennessee
we visited knoxville and vanderbilt then stayed two nights in nashville
roads: B, see above
food: A, brisket at sweet ps, biscuits & gravy at biscuit love, smoked meatloaf at pucketts, hot chicken & pecan divinities, all fuckin great
sights: B, broadway is a lot of fun with great music but wasn't sure what else to do other than eat. saw some confederate monuments possibly for the last time ever!
people: B, really nice and fun to talk to

alabama
stopped to eat in birmingham and visited university of alabama
roads: D, get some fukin asphalt idiots
food: B, smoked turkey w/ white bbq at saw's
sights: F+, birmingham is genuinely depressing, 90% burnt down buildings and derelicts, but uoa was real nice
people: n/a, didn't really talk to anyone

mississippi
visited msu but mostly drove through
roads: A, great for driving 120mph
food: n/a
sights: E, slightly more interesting scenery than trees, i was asleep for the msu drive-through
people: n/a

louisiana
stayed 2 nights in new orleans. the hurricane hit the day before we arrived so there was a bit of flooding out in the country, but nbd.
roads: C, the fuckin bugs that smash on your windshield in the bayou are such a pain to get off
food: A+, best meal of the trip was jambalaya/red beans/shrimp creole at gumbo shop. also beignets.
sights: A, french quarter is just weird as hell, like time travel. great music & chicks on frenchmen street. only disappointment was missed an airboat tour bc winds were 30mph.
people: A+, locals go out of their way to help you out and are hilarious

texas
stayed 3 nights in austin. austin was unaffected by harvey. i got bronchitis at this point in the trip.
roads: D, insane amount of trucks and ppl not observing fast lane rules (maybe this was bc hurricane? idk)
food: C+, kind of a mix with texmex at chuy's, pizza at home slice, voodoo doughnuts (not local), nothing really outstanding. whataburger best fast food of the trip.
sights: A, apparently there's a great local punk/metal scene so that gave me plenty to do. ghost wolves rule and caught a surprise gbh show.
people: B, polite, tbh didn't interact with people a ton bc i was hoarse from coughing all night

colorado
we actually flew from austin to denver and then did a day there before driving the rockies overnight
roads: B, some winding roads in the rockies but no traffic since it was overnight
food: B+, awesome apps and pizza at bar dough
sights: B, went to a barcade with great selection (1up) and obviously the rockies are massive and impressive
people: B, lots of chicks at the arcade

utah/arizona/nevada
this was one long 14-hour day drive
roads: A, desert driving so you just blast it
food: B, tasty hole-in-the-wall hawaiian bbq in nv, carl's jr. also good
sights: A+, gorgeous scenery and it's constantly changing, so many photo ops. we drove through vegas but didn't have time to stop.
people: n/a

socal/yosemite
spent a night in fresno as a staging area for yosemite where we did a day driving/hiking
roads: D, concrete like alabama and fucking awful drivers, then winding as all hell in yosemite
food: C, got good jew york bagels but that was it
sights: A, i mean, yosemite is incredible, don't need to say that, but too bad about all the smoke in the air
people: E, what am i in fucking mexico?

northern california
stayed two nights in san fran & visited with friends, then drove the pch and wine country
roads: E, highways still a mess, driving in sfc is a joke, and the scenic routes take forever to drive
food: B, sushi way better than east coast, chinese food exactly the same as everywhere else, and this sour beer that i can't remember the name of but was great. in n out is the most overrated burger in america.
sights: C, kinda disappointing tbh. 49-mile drive was cool and there are some beautiful parks, but the beaches may as well be jersey shore and there apparently isn't a nightlife? sadly we got a foggy day for route 1.
people: D, the number of homeless in sfc is absurd and a major turnoff

oregon
stayed a day/night in portland then flew out in the morning
roads: B, fine, only time we got pulled over the whole trip was doing 80 in a 65 here, but nice cop / no ticket
food: B, solid cheap prime rib @ clydes, coco's donuts not as good as voodoo
sights: A, very nice and attractive city, stayed in a house from 1880, botanical gardens, lots of live music and punk scene
people: A, friendly and all white/asian, proof you can interact with people without politics mattering

trip overall
A, honestly it's hard to say i'd change anything within the two-week limit. after a couple 10-hour drives you get used to it, and so much scenery out west can only be seen by car, so i'm glad we drove. probably would fly from nashville to nola to save some time, that drive through the south was pretty boring and a waste of a day (except alabama bbq). new orleans was the highlight of the trip in most ways, but portland/denver seem like the places i'd want to live. san francisco wasn't great and in retrospect i'd have rather spent a day at sequoia or grand canyon, but there was no way to know that going in.