Konami ReBirth, followed swiftly by Konami ReDeath

Around 2009, classic-style 2D gaming was at a height it hadn't reached for over a decade. Retro series were showing a second life with Street Fighter IV, Mega Man 9, Pac-Man Championship Edition, and... um... Sonic 4. The time was ripe for Konami, action kings of the early '90s, to rise like a phoenix and show the world what hardcore gaming really meant. Few classics are as beloved as Contra, Gradius, and Castlevania, but the former two hadn't seen a commercially successful sequel in fifteen years, and the Castlevania property had completely abandoned its origins. Konami smartly chose this opportunity to capitalize on a "ReBirth" for all three series, combining retro stylings with brand new content. That was the only smart decision they made in the entire process, because...

What the hell are these games? If anything the three seem to form a contained "ReBirth" subseries rather than a systemic overhaul or continuation of their respective properties. I honestly can't tell if Konami intended to continue Contra, Gradius, and Castlevania so much as they wanted to launch a new "ReBirth" branding that would visit random classics with its trappings. The decision to use the same developer, same assets, and same art-style for all three games is beyond lame. Why are Contra and Castlevania suddenly only distinguished by palette? Think of how different Contra III and Super Castlevania IV look. It all reeks of trying to budget three games for the price of one. Could Konami possibly have conceived anything more throwaway and forgettable? Raise your hand if today, a mere four years later, you even remember the ReBirths.

The games look passable, but the unfaithful pixel art calls to mind "cell-phone game" more than "NES"

I cannot stress enough how mind-boggling short-sighted this approach was. All we have to look at is the ReBirth visual presentation to know that Konami fundamentally misunderstood what was making Capcom, Nintendo, and Sega so successful at rebooting old properties. My best shot at what was going through their minds is: "well it looks like people are willing to buy cheap old games with any graphics at all, so let's make some cheap games with old mechanics and crappy graphics". It's like it completely went over their heads that Mega Man 9 was cool for identically replicating NES graphics, or that A Boy and His Blob had intricate modern hand-drawn sprites, or that Sonic 4 brought Sonic into a lush HD revision of his classic 16-bit hangouts. There's a common denominator here - the games either go FULL retro, or they go FULL contemporary. Konami tried to forge some fanciful middle ground by opting for the sorta-retro look of recent indie games like Cave Story and Super Meat Boy: pixelated sprite art that doesn't match with any particular generation of hardware. This works for indie games attempting to evoke the general spirit of classic gaming rather than any particular era, but it has no place in fucking Castlevania. Clearly Konami didn't want to spend the cash to get a real development studio to produce Donkey Kong Country Returns-level graphics, but were also scared the public wouldn't accept throwback art. This in spite of plentiful examples that both approaches pay off.

If they were so fucking scared of retro graphics, why settle for such tired gameplay? These three games show no attempt at all at advancing or even slightly varying the mechanics of their predecessors. Gradius ReBirth kinda gets away with it, because Gradius never had any variety, but all of the classic Contra and Castlevania games played slightly differently. Instead of offering a new variation, ReBirth falls back on the most stripped-down set of mechanics. So these aren't really sequels at all. I'd accept this if we were doing a "pretend it's 1988" time-shift, but the visuals have already destroyed that illusion. If Konami was so sure they could improve on classic sprite-art, why be so conservative in the gameplay department? Pick a sandbox to play in! Again, there's a very simple explanation for this: they did the cheapest thing possible. It's like they were immensely reluctant to make these games, like they had already assumed they weren't going to make any money. I wonder if Koko does make any money these days?

Gradius ReBirth is the only one that even close to fits into its series - only because Gradius always took a step back for every step it took forward. Yes, I am referring to Edit Mode. Bring it fucking back you assholes.

I'm directing my ire at Konami higher-ups because it doesn't seem fair to come down hard on development studio M2. M2 should never have been chosen for all three of these games. They can obviously construct decent (if a bit unbalanced) action, and were these games not burdened with the responsibility of carrying on some of the greatest legacies in gaming history, they'd be fairly recommendable (and still are). But these guys had nowhere near the panache and versatility to turn out what needed to be three completely distinct entries of three completely distinct series under limited time and budget. Yes, I realize that the original Contra, Gradius, and Castlevania shared quite a bit of staff, but it must be noted that before ReBirth, M2 had only been responsible for collating and porting Sega and Konami classics to other platforms. These were the first three games they had ever developed (at least the first three they're ever credited for developing), and the early-90s Konami Dream Team they are not. Besides, I doubt they were getting much financial support. These weren't exactly headline releases - though of course they should've been.

What bothers me about the ReBirth games is less their immediate quality; rather it's what a terrible stepping stone they provide for their brands. Why rebirth your series if you can't/won't build off of that rebirth at all? There is simply nowhere to follow from ReBirth. They didn't invent any new series standards; they weakly perpetuated old conventions. What was Konami's plan for ReBirth Phase 2? More watered-down semi-remakes? Did they think that's what people wanted of the series going forward? Or were they planning a return to true classic-style Contra/Gradius/Castlevania games? In that case, why bother with the ReBirth detour at all? It was a cheap way to quickly grab and then immediately lose gamers' attention. If anything, it tarnished the name of all three properties and showed the gaming public that Konami just doesn't give a shit about its classic stable. Is it even remotely surprising that in the wake of ReBirth, Contra and Gradius once again dropped off the map and Castlevania moved directly into another reboot?

God I hate that they made Contra look like a Saturday-morning cartoon. Contra should be M-rated as fuck. At least they threw in an Escape from New York reference.

ReBirth is a cautionary example that tagging something as "retro" isn't enough to make it successful, even if it's paired with fan-favorite brands. Developers need to have actual vision that they can communicate to the player. Allow me a brief fantasy of what ReBirth could have been, had Konami assigned an actual brain to the project. Start with a wave of 8-bit Mega Man 9-style direct sequels, move up to 16-bit for a second wave, and so forth until landing on the most repeatable formula or making a jump to present-day visuals/gameplay. That is to say, it could have been an actual rebirth, leading into regrowth, leading into profit and good games all around. Thanx God this is what we got instead.

What I'm Playing, March '13 (Pt. 3)

In this feature, we commemorate games I have for the first time started and finished in the last few highly variable time units.

Finally we put March to rest. It was a busy gaming month, what with being out of work 'n all. This feature is going to be dramatically shorter in the coming months, not requiring weekly installments.

Games Started:

Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters (GB / 3DS VC)

When did Kid Icarus become a classic? I think it was around the time Pit showed up for a Super Mash Bros. Brawl. At least, that's when it somehow jumped from the ranks of lesser Nintendo works like Pilotwings to being mentioned in the same breath as Super Mario Bros. and Mega Man. Leave that for another time though, perhaps my coverage of the 3DS game... what was it called... blanking here... my brain is saying Of Myths and Monsters and I know that's wrong... Uprising, that's right. Anyway, Myth-Mon is to Kidick as Metroid II is to Metroid: a full-fledged handheld sequel, same team, same story, expanded gameplay. Weird, right? Sequels shouldn't be on handhelds! But they were, and they did. Myth Sand Mo cleans up the formula of the NES game, instating all-directional scrolling, infinitely respawning enemies, and better balanced (fairer) dungeon gameplay. Downward scrolling alleviates the ridiculous oversight of the original which turned the bottom of the screen into a constantly rising deathtrap, and horizontal adds an element of exploration, hiding rewards beyond the player's direct line-of-sight. Infinite enemies creates potential for grinding, which may not sound like a good thing, but is at least in keeping with the game's demanding RPG elements. There is also more payoff to the role-playing/grinding, as this time around, upgrades stick around for dungeons.

Fire Emblem: Awakening (3DS)

This never once happens in game - these characters are allies, best friends, and [spoiler]

I kinda already did a first impressions on this when I played the demo. After 25+ hours, I feel vindicated in my prediction that this would be the most interesting Fire Emblem in years. One interesting mechanic that doesn't reveal itself until hours into the experience is marriage/child-having. I don't think I'm spoiling too much by saying that the game involves time travel - this allows for parents and children to co-exist at the same age in the same time, skipping those BORING "growin' up" years. "Boring" in the RPG sense. Pairing off characters to get hitched is a game unto itself, allowing for skill and (mild) plot variance. Each arriving child opens up a new mission, and these missions provide more opportunities to cupidize your soldiers, creating more children and more child-missions. If you're anything like me, about two-thirds of the way through you'll get completely side-tracked and leave the plot for like ten hours to get all your gal-soldiers knocked up. This provides further incentive to utilize as many characters as possible, as there are only so many potential parents, and each pair only gets one child. The only complaint I have with this system is that it's a bit more rigid than it leads you to believe - the child and their story arc is entirely determined by the mother - the father only determines the hair color (a fact winkingly mentioned in one of the father/son conversations, wherein the father asks "did you get anything from me but your hair color?!"). I realize it would have been a shitload of work to program a unique child for each unique pairing, but it also would've inspired me to replay the game just to see all the different kiddies. Gotta catch a mall! As is, the only limitation on which ones you see is how many characters you manage to betroth. I don't know if that word can be used that way, and franklin, I don't care.

DmC: Devil May Cry (Xbox 360)

Even by fanboy standards, the four-game Devil May Cry series is extremely hit-or-miss. The only opinion that seems to bear any general consensus is that DMC3 is the best. So before saying anything about  the fifth and newest, DmC, I should mention that the only one I've played at any length is 3 (note: DMC is not the same as DmC - the former is the first game, the latter the fifth). The only real point of comparison I'm going to make is that DmC is probably better. Dante's moveset is more expansive than it's ever been, probably more expansive than any combat character I've played outside of fighting games. He probably ranks in the same tier as BlazBlue in terms of sheer input variety. This provides a lot of combo options, and a less technical feel to it all - once you get used to the controls (and they will take some getting used to), you'll feel like you have a dozen choices for the next attack in each string. On the flip-side, the only way DmC makes you feel the need for these moves is the score counter. The basic X, X, X, X, X combo will usually clear the path if you're feeling lazy, even on the highest difficulty (the highest available from the start - there are three or four more that unlock after beating the game). So there's a lot of cool stuff to do, but the motivation to do it needs to be internal. It has to come from your heart.

Games Finished:

Contra III: The Alien Wars (SNES / Wii VC)

Another Virtual Console game I've had for ages, this one I've near-completed many times, but never felt was worth the time to conquer. Golem helped me make it through the final boss on a co-op run (and by "helped", I mean "stole a bunch of my lives"), though as with Strania, we didn't get to see the True End-Boss since we played in Normal difficulty. Alien Wars is near-universally touted as the best Contra, but it doesn't really butter my bread. It's over far too quickly, and only three of the six stages are actual side-scrollers. Two are top-down - a style of shooter I like, except when reliant upon the ridiculous world-spinning controls found here. Most of the bosses are good, but the final impression was "it's over already?" More on this in an upcoming duologue comparing it to Hard Corps: A Contra Adventure, III's Sega Genesis counterpart.

Sleeping Dogs (Xbox 360)

This was quite the Herculean labor. Sleeping Dogs is one of the longest games I've finished in the past few years, clocking in above 30 hours. If that doesn't sound impressive, you don't know my opinion on long games. The last RPG I beat probably happened in the '90s. I suppose I always finish my Zeldas, so there's that. Still, it's unusual that I stuck this one out. What it came down to is that I loved the melee combat, the gunplay was half-decent, and the pacing was just right to keep it all fresh. You know how the Arkham games worked so well by alternating stealth and brawling? Sleeping Dogs works exactly the same, though it has about five types of mission instead of just two (though the focus certainly lies on driving, shooting, and punching). This one's got a full post to come. I'm still working on the major DLCs.

Three Great Ugly Game Soundtracks You Haven't Heard

I was going to write about more than this, but I figured I'd focus on one kind of music. Here are three of my favorite creepy, tense, and just plain ugly soundtracks that you probably haven't given a listen.

Summer Carnival '92 Recca (NES, 1992)

Hopefully you like the one sound this game has, because that's all it's got.  The melodies here are short, and Summer Carnival '92 loves to repeat them. That said, it's got some nice drum and orchestra hit samples, and unless I'm mistaken, some tracks like Crisis even play two samples at the same time. For me, though, the track to really drive this one home is M.O.M.. By 30 seconds in, you've got two square waves going: one is about to vibrato right out of its chair, and the other is doing something beyond my vocabulary. It reminds me of the sound you make when you break the backboard in NBA Jam. Calling this one ugly may be a stretch, but it does strike plenty of tense and creepy notes.

You might dig this soundtrack just for the sounds it makes. At the very least, it's worth skimming just to hear the sound quality someone managed to get out of an NES. Of the three games here today, it's probably got the most appealing sound.

Contra Hard Corps (Genesis, 1994)

The Genesis could make some ugly, gritty sounds. When it happens by accident, it's a mess. Used purposefully, though, it quenches a thirst no other console touches. At its best, Contra Hard Corps is a top notch example. To my knowledge, its grit and dirt are second only to Streets of Rage 3, which should give you some idea if this soundtrack is for you. Moments like the bridge at 1:15 of Something Wonderful make the Genesis, creating intensity and desperation you can't get elsewhere.

A fair portion of the soundtrack is like R.A.V.E., which performs admirably in the vein of Something Wonderful, even if not as intensely. R.A.V.E. makes up for it by ramping up the tempo. That alone is silly until you remember Jurassic Dope, which tries embarrassingly hard to be 90s hip hop. Still, it's got plenty of cool sounds, like the pulsating synth that comes in at 0:57.

These two tracks might end up as guilty pleasures, but a rare few are outright obnoxious. Simon 1994RD takes a classic NES Castlevania tune, brings the tempo up, and adds some background elements that just don't fit. Granted, it is a joke tune, so I guess it's supposed to sound awkward. That doesn't mean I hesitate to skip it.

Snatcher (MSX, 1988)

It's easy to write off the MSX's sound chip as a dopey low quality piece of work, but Snatcher pulls that in its favor. Under Konami's guidance, it produces harsh, rough low notes and eerie, haunting high notes. The second part of Bio Hazard handily demonstrates both, using them in a melody that sets a mysterious and grim tone for the introduction of its titular villains. These underground robotic body snatchers seem like normal people, but they're hollow on the inside and want nothing less than your personal extermination.

Innocent Girl (only the first thirty seconds are there, sorry) is another notable track, showing off Konami's sound cartridge for the MSX. The cart provided extra channels, allowing Innocent Girl to spend two channels on melody and have plenty left over for filling in the background. There's also Merry X-Mas Neo Kobe City, which keeps itself simple to make an otherwise chilling instrument set almost unsettlingly cheery. The MSX channels that otherwise sound empty and cold now have a warmth to them.

The Snatcher soundtrack finds an excellent brother in the SD Snatcher soundtrack, which preserves the tone, but--being a JRPG--features more action.