State of the Onionne and Games that I need to play during Christmas Break

Okay. I am off work for the next two weeks. I do not have a ton of stuff I need to do, except that I need to try to unwind. That means the blog will be on semi-vacation as well. Thanksgiving was not a very relaxing time, it was like five days of stress attacks and brain tumors ("helping out", "spending time", etc.). The main big breaks I've had this year involved doing stuff or having medical problems like tonsillectomy and tonsillitis-con-mono. Hey spellcheck, and by extension Google, who I assume controls everything computer: why the fuck do you know "tonsillitis" but still try to call my mom and issue a three day out-of-school suspension every time I write "gameplay", "sidescrolling", or "platformer"? I realize that the Doctor's Association of America probably has a better dictionary lobby (to... Google?) and is slightly better-respected than Game Informer, but we're talking about a jargon that is going on forty years old. It is older than spellcheck. 

The big problem with this blog at the moment (from my perspective - I doubt anyone on the outside notices our subtle shifts from "really crappy" to "mostly crappy"), particularly since November, is that I haven't had time to play games. Hence any free time spent writing is less time gaming which is less rehearsed material to write about which is less well-considered posts which is a viscous cycle which results in a lifestyle where I neither get to play games nor produce work that I consider worth my time or worth your time. I've somewhat deflected that with substitute material like Godzilla and It's Always Sunny, but unless you want to start reading about my job or my way-too-dramatic-for-a-25-year-old friendships or coping with a newly quadriplegic father, I can't write unless I get some time to play games. I love games, critical theory, and vain stabs at comedy - not being an autobiographer. I'm surprised how much I've enjoyed working on this blog considering that I hadn't written shit since college. It's a legitimate creative outlet for me and I have no intention of stopping... at least until my life reaches a stable enough point that I feel comfortable committing to a game project - as intended earlier this year, before Events. 

Anyway, I'm taking two weeks off work and only about half of those are committed to other things, so that's sevenish days to play games (as fucking if - I guarantee I get no more than 24 hours - still a luxury). Vacation time is typically great for finishing games - I even go to the extent of setting aside certain games I enjoy so much that I'd rather save them for an "off" time when I can give them the attention they deserve. When I was a kid they were "summer games" - Skies of Arcadia, Ocarina of Time - games I didn't want to play during the school year because my schedule prevented me from bingeing as their quality demanded. Since I don't have a tenth enough breaks for all the games I'd love to binge on these days... well, a lot of them go unfinished (The Witcher, Dark Souls, Dragon Quest IX) or I gradually pick through an hour a night as pains me to do (every modern Zelda, XCOM).

Okay. As the great Hulk Hogan once said, "Enough is enough". Here are some games I need to, as the great Hulk Hogan once said, "take care of". I will be posting sporadically, but mostly reruns, during my vacation while I enjoy these games. When I come back, whoo boy will it be a delight updating you on how much I've accomplished of what I said I would have accomplished.

DEFINITELY FINISH Mark of the Ninja. Been working on this on and off since the Spring I think. Always great fun to jump into a level, and the later levels even start getting more obnoxiously platformy (in a good way, with moving obstacles and timed jumps and stuff). It's neat that this is a stealth game that has multiple selectable characters (a mechanic Greg and I recently discussed in platformers), though they need to be unlocked, making them feel more like Castlevania's bonus rounds with Julius, Richter, Maria, et al. It's still pretty game-changing to have, for instance, a character who is completely silent but also can't attack. I need to explore this some more.

DEFINITELY FINISH Phantasy Star IV. I set this aside after my big initial run took me three quarters of the way through the game. That was the beginning of my JRPG kick - I ended up splaying off and losing focus between Radiant Historia, Dragon Quest IX, Denpa Men 2, roguelikes, etc. I'm almost at the end - I need to finish the side-quests which have been a cute bit of exploratory fun and see the final boss battles, as the game definitely excels (as did Overworks' later RPG, Skies of Arcadia) at tough fights.

DEFINITELY FINISH Capsized. As I mentioned in my initial impression of Capsized, it's a bit rough around the edges - when the game gets hard in the later stages it occasionally feels cheap because of weird physics-induced deaths and kludgy "puzzles". This is particularly frustrating as these stages can run for 20+ minutes and are played with limited lives and ammo - one or two bullshit deaths can severely fuck a run. That aside, Capsized is a great game. The shooting is satisfyingly visceral - thanks in great part to those physics - but kept frantic by aggressive enemies more reminiscent of Geometry Wars than Metroid. Combined with the maze-like environments, the hard survival action conjures a DOOM-meets-Dead-Space feel. It's worth gritting my teeth through a few botched runs to see what the final levels have in store.

PROBABLY FINISH but at least play P.N.03. This is probably the last Gamecube game I ever bought, back at a time when I was catching up on both Shinji Mikami and Hideki Kamiya games (the respective masterminds between Resident Evil 4 and Devil May Cry, the two have frequently collaborated and nearly everything they produce is pure gold... or pure platinum). I grabbed both P.N.03 and God Hand (both directed by Mikami) at the same time - the games shared a similar fate on release (misunderstood by critics who couldn't learn the mechanics and too obliquely marketed to appeal to the public... I mean what the fuck do those titles mean to casual Joe gamer) and perhaps fortuitously shared a similar fate in my catalog: I stumbled through the first hour losing countless lives until the mechanics finally clicked and I realized what original and fun games I was playing, then I set them aside to be finished later... and haven't gone back. In the case of P.N.03 that meant coming to the realization that the game was not a cover-shooter but a rhythmically-driven classic shooting gallery (a la Wild Guns) based on timed dodges and aggressive combo-focused offense. I dropped it after one out of eleven levels just because - too many other things to play, nothing against the game. So I really need to go back and see if this 3D shmup gameplay is developed in an interesting way (as it later was in Vanquish).

PLAY Link Between Worlds. Hard to say I'm going to finish this when I don't have a good guess at how long it's going to be, and I definitely don't want to rush it, but Link Between Worlds deserves some good, honest attention. I'm not sure at this point that it's quite as open-ended as someone would have you believe (the puzzle-solving/pathway-opening capability of items seems to be downplayed now that they're readily available), but since I just got to the Dark World, I really can't say. The next few hours - choosing which order to attack the seven dungeons - should be interesting.

There are of course many other games I am playing and hope to have time for, but I won't put my foot where my mouth is and promise things I can't promise. Besides, I'm also trying to get back into reading Guardians of the Galaxy and maybe start watching Mobile Suit Gundam. 

Amazing web find: Geddy Lee Is Slusho

Didn't have time for a post today but I found this unbelievably fantastic website from 2007, when the viral marketing for Cloverfield was in full swing. 

http://geddyleeisslusho.blogspot.com/2007/07/welcome-truthseakers.html

Aside from its inherent absurd hilarity, this is some decent satire of the viral marketing fad and the culture that developed around it. Just check out amazing lol-out-lol posts like these:

http://geddyleeisslusho.blogspot.com/2007/07/geddy-points.html

http://geddyleeisslusho.blogspot.com/2007/08/lightning-baby-last-hope-for-man.html

http://geddyleeisslusho.blogspot.com/2007/07/jj-geddy-lee-is-monster.html

http://geddyleeisslusho.blogspot.com/2007/07/rapping-skeleton-is-good-guy-in-light.html

Link X Dynasty Warriors: Only cool things can come from Nintendo and Koei combined

And you thought Twilight Princess was bad! HAhahaha! aHAhahahahaahaaHAHAHahah! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAAH!

Sorry, that was my impression of how 90% of the Internet reacted to that video. 

Isn't this only natural considering Pokemonaga's Ambition? Silly, sure, but I kinda love that we're getting Nintendo/Koei crossovers. Two companies who've been in the industry as long as there's been an industry, one the most iconic and revered of all-time, the other perpetually mocked and banished to the shadows, both supported by fervently dedicated fans. It could be said there's not really any difference between the Nintenhardcorer and the Koeihardcorer except that the former were often so destined by the holiday console purchasing predilections of their parents, while the latter perhaps became so attached to their patron saint because of the effort it took to seek out their games (and then defend them from the onslaught of critics). Regardless, I think in some sense Nintendo and Koei are symbolic of both the best and worst of the video game industry - the idealism, the precision, the tight connection between the community and the creators, and also the redundancy, the pandering, and the reluctance to evolve.

As someone with moderate respect for the Dynasty Warriors franchise (though I can only enjoy the games for about two hours per year), I think the series is anything but a barren wasteland of inspiration. People trash Koei's action games a lot (and maybe they'd trash their strategy games if they knew they existed), but they're labors of love, not schlock. Honestly, check one out sometime. You can get one of the PS2 or Xbox games for all of $2 or fucking splurge and dump 19 cents on Samurai Warriors. Actually, do yourself one better and get the best (of the ~five I've played), Mystic Heroes. They may be boring to some (myself included), but they have a dedicated hardcore fanbase and each game is overflowing with dozens of levels, hundreds of weapons and characters, all kinds of mode variations, and the tried and true gameplay that the fans demand. Taking potshots about how they're samey mindless grindfests is like shitting on Godzilla movies for being ridiculously cheesy scifi or Friday the 13th for being idiotic flasher-slashers - that's the entire reason people like them. They're not trying to cater to the mainstream. There's a reason Ebert didn't bother to review Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah, so I'm not sure why IGN feels so justified giving Dynasty Warriors 8 a 4.63/10 every year. It seems like maybe Zelda vs. Dynasty Warriors is a chance at a big budget mainstream crossover a la Pacific Rim or JJ Abram is Star Trek.

That's pretty much what Pokemon Conquest was for Nobunaga's Ambition - it stripped away the excesses of the franchise, concentrated on the core characteristic elements (recruiting and balancing a force, taking and holding territory, and turn-based tactical battles), introduced some Pokemon strategy (trainer/Pokemon matching and elemental cycles, which actually took on a new level when it became necessary to distribute different types of Pokemon around the map, determining which areas were Fire-vulnerable or where to make a strong Rock/Psychic attack), and significantly prettied it up for mass appeal (the series was barely animated up til that point). It was NOT just Nobunaga's Ambition in a Pokemon coat of paint. If Nintendo/Koei apply the same mentality to Hyrule Warriors and give a substantial Zelda slant to the action, there could be a pretty damn decent game in store. Especially if they keep the strategier elements of the better Dynasty Warriors games, or somehow find a way to replace them with Zelda's exploration/collection shenanigans. Of course, Conquest was nearly as obscure as the Koei games that spawned it simply because of the obscene glut of Pokemon spinoffs released on a daily basis - I doubt I Rule Warriors will suffer that fate, as the uproar already unleashed is indicative of just how rare and special it is for anything to bear the Zelda brand. [instead HW will find its way to obscurity via its release platform, Wii U, on which a 3D Mario game sold only 200k units in a November launch].

Is it the next Zelda game I wanted? No, but it's clearly not the next Zelda anymoreso than was Link's Crossbow Training. People are already panicking about where this is going to fit in canon and shit like that. Seriously? Link was in fucking Smash Bros., is this really any different?

Greg L's 2013 GOTY Award

I just have the one.

When Nintendo released Wind Waker HD, everyone noted that the prospect was sad in one sense or another: one of Wii U's headliners was a remake. The console's first party offerings have been short on creativity. New Super Mario Bros. U continues the line of New Super Mario Bros. games that iterate rather than progress. Super Mario 3D World gives players a cast of characters with competing strengths and weaknesses, but it's a gesture that does little to hide that each stage is predictable and shallow.

(Maybe we can discuss Pikmin 3 and Game & Wario some other time.)

Enter New Super Luigi U. On the surface, it appears to be a shameless rehash, featuring assets already used for New Super Mario Bros. U. Luigi may jump higher, he may be more slippery, and he may only have 100 seconds to clear each stage, but there's no obvious change to the essence of New Super Mario Bros.

In reality, though, these modifications fuel sweeping changes. Because you have but 100 seconds to clear each stage, the stages are shorter. This leads to denser enemy placement. Flying squirrel enemies will land on your weighted platforms, disrupting your footing. Ice-throwing turtles will bump elbows with spiked fuzzballs, turning harmful obstacles into icy platforms. Elements interact more often, creating a more engaging playground. 

In one stage, Ice Bros. freeze your enemies to create platforms. It's definitely one of the better stages, and it showcases how original the Luigi U team got with old assets.

New Super Luigi U emphasizes a sense of chaos. Stages are not just punchier than usual; there's more going on in each individual moment. Normal New Super Mario Bros. stages have a series of challenges, but in New Super Luigi U, those challenges are all lumped over top one another. On top of that, Luigi's floaty jumps and slippery stops lend more weight to your button presses, increasing the sense of chaos.

Perhaps ghost houses speak the most to this change. These stages are all about employing deception to hinder your navigation. Normally, this means plopping a big old maze for the player to slog through; check each door, make a mental note of what you do, and eventually you'll walk out. New Super Luigi U instead restricts its deceptions to the span of one room. Rather than wander around a maze, you'll see a single scenario and figure the best way through it. In one stage, you're on a moving platform suspended over a bottomless pit, and it looks like it's about to hit a wall--there must be some way past, right? Try checking for an invisible passage through the wall. Moments like these make deception tense and exciting rather than long and drawn-out.

Given the time restriction on levels, the developers mixed crafty design with tension for ghost houses.

It's no revolution, but it's an experience unique to the Mario series in the same way that Lost Levels and Super Mario World carve unique spaces from the molds of Super Mario Bros. and Super Mario Bros. 3, respectively. It's an important distinction to make from other games that merely improve--New Super Luigi U deviates.

If Nintendo needs to turn to easy-to-make budget-priced DLC to regain its sense of daring, so be it. On that note, New Super Luigi U also makes me smile because it reflects Nintendo's growing realization that the internet can be your friend.

Games like Pandora's Tower, Chain Blaster, and The Wonderful 101 also made my year, but as an increasingly cynical Mario fan, New Super Luigi U stood above the pack as Game of the Year.

LPGA Plays Bucky O'Hare (for arcades), Part 1

Many know the famous finned face of Buckland O'Reilly Rabbit, even if they don't immediately recognize it by that name. 

It was under the stage name "Bucky O'Hare" that Buckland made his short-lived mark on the pop-culture consciousness of 20th century America.. This portmanteau of "Bucky Barnes" (Captain America's sidekick), "Scarlett O'Hara" (the protagonist of Gone with the Wind), and "hare" (a relative of rabbits) encapsulates the pure essence of Buckland's stage character, the space ranger O'Hare: he's loyal to a fault, clever and willful, always getting his way in the end, and generally reminiscent of a rabbit. 

Yes, despite his inexplicably fish-like appearance, O'Hare really hit it off with kids during the anthropomorphic animal craze of the late '80s and early '90s, so much so that Konami snatched up the video game rights alongside Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, and The Simpsons. The NES got a scrolling shooter/platformer in the vein of Mega Man, often classified as a "proto-Treasure" game (not one I've gotten around to playing, and I take the "proto-Treasure" label very lightly - it's liberally (and incorrectly) applied to every single Konami game released before 1993, from Contra III to Rocket Knight Adventures to Super Castlevania IV). While that's the game that's typically remembered (by people who chronicle these kind of things), the arcade Bucky O'Hare is a different beast altogether.

While at first glance the arcade adaptation of Bucky appears to be in lockstep with Konami's other tie-in coin-op brawlers like The Simpsons, it actually attempts to be something of a shoot-'em-up meets beat-'em-up. A generalized-'em-up, if you will. The structure and engine of the game are clearly borrowed directly from Konami's other brawlers, but the player characters use lazer-guns instead of fisticuffs, creating some semblance of ranged combat. I'm not even sure whether to call the game a brawler or a shmup - technically I want to say it's a shmup, and for the most part the boss battles support that conclusion. On the other hand, both X-Men and TMNTIV introduced a lot of ranged enemies, group conflicts, crowd control, patterned attacks, traps, and dodging, and I would be remiss not to point out that they share almost all of the same "original" developments of Bucky but for the player ranged attack. Then again, I always considered TMNTIV and X-Men to be pretty far from the fighting-game-derived brawler paradigm of one-on-one combat established by Streets of Rage and Double Dragon, moving more in their own direction of balanced melee combat action. So perhaps it's not unusual that throwing a gun into the mix doesn't make things any less brawlery - those games weren't very brawlery to start with.

That probably stands to be fleshed out a little more. Until now, enjoy the first half of some Let's Play action: