HÄXAN (1922)
Christensen / Christensen
"Way overhyped with only a scene's worth of Slayer material, still a bizarre window into the history of filmmaking ideas"
HIGHLANDER 2 (1991)
Mulcahy / Bellwood
"In-goddamned-comprehensible, but not particularly terrible as a sword action endeavor, however pointless coming off Highlander"
THE GREAT YOKAI WAR (2006)
Christensen / Christensen
"Way overhyped with only a scene's worth of Slayer material, still a bizarre window into the history of filmmaking ideas"
HIGHLANDER 2 (1991)
Mulcahy / Bellwood
"In-goddamned-comprehensible, but not particularly terrible as a sword action endeavor, however pointless coming off Highlander"
THE GREAT YOKAI WAR (2006)
Miike / Miike, Sawamura, Itakura
"Pretty coolfunny kids' fantasy adventure with some very coolfunny monsters that works even better if you've played Ganbare Goemon! [this is because at one point in the movie I recognized the exclamation 'ganbare!']" - Yourself
THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY (1966)
Leone / Leone, Vincenzoni, Age, Scarpelli
"There are two kinds of people in this world: people who love this movie, and people who can suck a dead donkey dick.
Alright that was crass, I actually had a real observation on this viewing which is that the movie is more of an episodic fun-times Civil War horror adventure than a society-thoughts chockataw Western" - Yourself
EXCALIBUR (1981)
Boorman / Pallenberg & Boorman
"As visually striking a rendition of the Arthur legend as you're going to get thanks to sets defining a murky, cryptic past and the crazy armor more appropriate for Monster Hunter; the legitimizing theatrical performances include comically minor roles for the likes of Patrick Stewart, Liam Neeson, and Helen Mirren."
THE RAID: REDEMPTION (2011)
Evans / Evans (although the idea of this having a writer is p. lol)
"Like an adrenaline shot packed with lots of smaller adrenaline shots stabbed straight into your brain" - Yourself
DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)
Romero / Romero
"Two Romeros deep it's hard to see the forest for the Liberal Academic's Glossary of Stereotypes; I don't know whether to blame my close-mindedness or Ebert's, but neither makes me feel enjoyment or intellectual pursuit" - Yourself
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
Kubrick / Clarke & Kubrick
"The scene on the moon is one of the genuinely scariest things in motion picture history and that's from someone watching the film for the third time" - Yourself
MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR (1967)
The Beatles / The Beatles
"Less than an utterly incompetent attempt to make a movie: an attempt to make an utterly incompetent movie - at no point does anything marginally resembling a point surface, and the production quality makes you feel depressed about The Beatles is a way that no such enviable group could possibly deserve" - Yourself
THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)
Hooper / Henkel & Hooper
"After this faceplant into animal filth and human remains, sausage did seem gross for almost an entire day" - Yourself
Let me interject upon myself for a moment: it's interesting revisiting these horror classics with so many years of interstitial guts and gore piled upon the brain. It's always difficult to trust critical perspectives of what is transgressive or unsettling because they are built upon so many silent assumptions not just of the viewer or their culture, but the relationship between. It's not as simple as placing oneself in the 1970s - one must understand who they would be in the 1970s.
Some movies - here, CHAIN SAW - can hold up absolutely 100%, feeling like they were made yesterday and disturbing to the core, so uniformly that the only possible conclusion is that every necessary element of thought and meaning is there onscreen - that the images and sounds take complete control of your brain - while others can seem so familiar, so good-natured and gentle and puckish in their explorations that the great gulf between the conception of self and effect, despite unflinching execution, must rely almost exclusively on an ingrained personal relationship to visually portrayed fictional violence. Perhaps this is a way of qualifying a true horror film, that it entirely internally defines a reality and the gross violations thereof, where, by contrast, if DAWN OF THE DEAD is not expired, its value as horror surely was only a tool, something existing explicitly as a handle for the severity of the subtext therein.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)
Craven / Craven
"
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE (1985)
Sholder / Chaskin
"
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: THE DREAM WARRIORS (1987)
Russell / Craven, Wagner, Darabont, Russell
"
THE BEYOND (1981)
Fulci / Fulci, Mariuzzo, Sacchetti
"
AMERICAN NINJA (1985)
Firstenberg / Mielche, Amir, Kleinberger
"
13 ASSASSINS (2011)
Miike / Tengan
"
MIAMI CONNECTION (1987)
Park, Kim / Park, Kim, Diamond
"
GODZILLA VS. MEGALON (1973)
Fukuda / Kimura, Sekizawa, Fukuda
"
STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY (1991)
Meyer / Meyer, Flinn
"
CONGO (1995)
Marshall / Shanley
"
BULWORTH (1998)
Beatty / Beatty, Pikser
"Warren Beatty raps about life and how white liberals aren't all they're cracked up to be, from the POV of a white liberal"
ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN (1976)
Pakula / Goldman
"Doesn't have the right stakes to work as a thriller, but as formal composition I don't know where to start admiring (or when to stop)"
GODZILLA, MOTHRA, AND KING GHIDORAH: GIANT MONSTERS ALL OUT ATTACK (2001)
Kaneko / Hasengawa, Yokotani, Kaneko
"
THE BIG SLEEP (1946)
Hawks / Chandler
"After this faceplant into animal filth and human remains, sausage did seem gross for almost an entire day" - Yourself
RABBIT HOLE (2010)
Mitchell / Lindsay-Abaire
"Maybe a bit too much of a feelsie-weelsie but it worked on me, and I'm not the kinda person to watch dramas"
THE IMITATION GAME (2014)
Tyldum / Moore
"While it's difficult to determine if this is more insulting to the brilliant pioneer of computer science or the world hero betrayed by his homeland, it's easy to say it sucks more dick than Alan Turing could've ever dreamed to" - Yourself
CASINO ROYALE (2006)
Campbell / Purvis, Wade, Haggis
"The new James Bond kicks major ass when it comes to it but the poker stuff is so much longer than you're ready for, every single time"
THE ACT OF KILLING (2012)
Oppenheimer
"Incredible on fiction and history, in a way everyone should be forced to process"
CASINO ROYALE (1954)
"Functional, and a neat look at television in the First Golden Age, but not much to see for a modern viewer (unless you want thorough instructions for playing baccarat)"
SHIN GODZILLA (2016)
Anno, Higuchi / Anno
"A spectacle of grim hopelessness not matched since the original film (or GMK if I'm feeling generous), this is the first movie that made me hate Godzilla, in a good way"
HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980)
Mattei / Fragasso
"I was skeptical a film could ever make me uncomfortable through process alone, but that's exactly what Hell accomplishes with its shameless repurposing of genuine funeral stock footage as a zombie outbreak"
THE BLOB (1988)
Russell / Darabont
"
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 3: URBAN HARVEST (1995)
Hickox / Levenson
"
THE EXORCIST (1974)
Friedkin / Blatty
"
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014)
Russo, Russo / Markus, McFeely
"Snippets of solid Cap action interspersed with lifeless CGI battles and a plot that can't commit to the severity of its concept"
MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
Capra / Buchman
"A more fitting parable for the 2016 election you won't find, though the conclusion (of either) doesn't leave one with too many warm fuzzies"
JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS (1963)
Chaffey / Rhodios
"Damn cool movie that everyone should see"
METAL GEAR SOLID 3: SNAKE EATER (2004)
Kojima / Kojima, Fukushima, Murata
"The series starts to seriously spin out of control as its thematic aim is raised above the personal to the global level - the earnest attempt at framing history drowns in a spluttering climax and deadly serious allegory"
FIRST BLOOD (1982)
Kotcheff / Kozoll, Sackheim, Stallone
"An all-consuming thriller, frequently discomfiting with its violence, all the obvious Vietnam Symbolism doesn't make it any less grueling for an action movie"
CASINO ROYALE (1967)
I refuse to list every credited director/writer. Like a million.
"Goddamn insane and hilarious, never even remotely boring; a feature-length insult to human intelligence, and a great way to blow it all up on New Year's Eve"
TOP FIVE (not counting re-viewings):
Jason and the Argonauts
All the President's Men
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
A Nightmare on Elm Street
The Raid: Redemption
BOTTOM FIVE:
Hell of the Living Dead
The Imitation Game
Metal Gear Solid 3
Magical Mystery Tour
Godzilla vs. Megalon
You know your bottom five is truly miserable when Casino Royale '67 doesn't make the cut.
So there it is! 2016 in movies! Lot of interesting stuff in there, lot of filling in gaps. If I took anything away from this year, it's that I should watch more thrillers, more classic modern horror, and more New Hollywood.
"Pretty coolfunny kids' fantasy adventure with some very coolfunny monsters that works even better if you've played Ganbare Goemon! [this is because at one point in the movie I recognized the exclamation 'ganbare!']" - Yourself
THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY (1966)
Leone / Leone, Vincenzoni, Age, Scarpelli
"There are two kinds of people in this world: people who love this movie, and people who can suck a dead donkey dick.
Alright that was crass, I actually had a real observation on this viewing which is that the movie is more of an episodic fun-times Civil War horror adventure than a society-thoughts chockataw Western" - Yourself
EXCALIBUR (1981)
Boorman / Pallenberg & Boorman
"As visually striking a rendition of the Arthur legend as you're going to get thanks to sets defining a murky, cryptic past and the crazy armor more appropriate for Monster Hunter; the legitimizing theatrical performances include comically minor roles for the likes of Patrick Stewart, Liam Neeson, and Helen Mirren."
THE RAID: REDEMPTION (2011)
Evans / Evans (although the idea of this having a writer is p. lol)
"Like an adrenaline shot packed with lots of smaller adrenaline shots stabbed straight into your brain" - Yourself
DAWN OF THE DEAD (1978)
Romero / Romero
"Two Romeros deep it's hard to see the forest for the Liberal Academic's Glossary of Stereotypes; I don't know whether to blame my close-mindedness or Ebert's, but neither makes me feel enjoyment or intellectual pursuit" - Yourself
2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY (1968)
Kubrick / Clarke & Kubrick
"The scene on the moon is one of the genuinely scariest things in motion picture history and that's from someone watching the film for the third time" - Yourself
MAGICAL MYSTERY TOUR (1967)
The Beatles / The Beatles
"Less than an utterly incompetent attempt to make a movie: an attempt to make an utterly incompetent movie - at no point does anything marginally resembling a point surface, and the production quality makes you feel depressed about The Beatles is a way that no such enviable group could possibly deserve" - Yourself
THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974)
Hooper / Henkel & Hooper
"After this faceplant into animal filth and human remains, sausage did seem gross for almost an entire day" - Yourself
Let me interject upon myself for a moment: it's interesting revisiting these horror classics with so many years of interstitial guts and gore piled upon the brain. It's always difficult to trust critical perspectives of what is transgressive or unsettling because they are built upon so many silent assumptions not just of the viewer or their culture, but the relationship between. It's not as simple as placing oneself in the 1970s - one must understand who they would be in the 1970s.
Some movies - here, CHAIN SAW - can hold up absolutely 100%, feeling like they were made yesterday and disturbing to the core, so uniformly that the only possible conclusion is that every necessary element of thought and meaning is there onscreen - that the images and sounds take complete control of your brain - while others can seem so familiar, so good-natured and gentle and puckish in their explorations that the great gulf between the conception of self and effect, despite unflinching execution, must rely almost exclusively on an ingrained personal relationship to visually portrayed fictional violence. Perhaps this is a way of qualifying a true horror film, that it entirely internally defines a reality and the gross violations thereof, where, by contrast, if DAWN OF THE DEAD is not expired, its value as horror surely was only a tool, something existing explicitly as a handle for the severity of the subtext therein.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (1984)
Craven / Craven
"
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE (1985)
Sholder / Chaskin
"
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3: THE DREAM WARRIORS (1987)
Russell / Craven, Wagner, Darabont, Russell
"
THE BEYOND (1981)
Fulci / Fulci, Mariuzzo, Sacchetti
"
AMERICAN NINJA (1985)
Firstenberg / Mielche, Amir, Kleinberger
"
13 ASSASSINS (2011)
Miike / Tengan
"
MIAMI CONNECTION (1987)
Park, Kim / Park, Kim, Diamond
"
GODZILLA VS. MEGALON (1973)
Fukuda / Kimura, Sekizawa, Fukuda
"
STAR TREK VI: THE UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY (1991)
Meyer / Meyer, Flinn
"
CONGO (1995)
Marshall / Shanley
"
BULWORTH (1998)
Beatty / Beatty, Pikser
"Warren Beatty raps about life and how white liberals aren't all they're cracked up to be, from the POV of a white liberal"
ALL THE PRESIDENT'S MEN (1976)
Pakula / Goldman
"Doesn't have the right stakes to work as a thriller, but as formal composition I don't know where to start admiring (or when to stop)"
GODZILLA, MOTHRA, AND KING GHIDORAH: GIANT MONSTERS ALL OUT ATTACK (2001)
Kaneko / Hasengawa, Yokotani, Kaneko
"
THE BIG SLEEP (1946)
Hawks / Chandler
"After this faceplant into animal filth and human remains, sausage did seem gross for almost an entire day" - Yourself
RABBIT HOLE (2010)
Mitchell / Lindsay-Abaire
"Maybe a bit too much of a feelsie-weelsie but it worked on me, and I'm not the kinda person to watch dramas"
THE IMITATION GAME (2014)
Tyldum / Moore
"While it's difficult to determine if this is more insulting to the brilliant pioneer of computer science or the world hero betrayed by his homeland, it's easy to say it sucks more dick than Alan Turing could've ever dreamed to" - Yourself
CASINO ROYALE (2006)
Campbell / Purvis, Wade, Haggis
"The new James Bond kicks major ass when it comes to it but the poker stuff is so much longer than you're ready for, every single time"
THE ACT OF KILLING (2012)
Oppenheimer
"Incredible on fiction and history, in a way everyone should be forced to process"
CASINO ROYALE (1954)
"Functional, and a neat look at television in the First Golden Age, but not much to see for a modern viewer (unless you want thorough instructions for playing baccarat)"
SHIN GODZILLA (2016)
Anno, Higuchi / Anno
"A spectacle of grim hopelessness not matched since the original film (or GMK if I'm feeling generous), this is the first movie that made me hate Godzilla, in a good way"
HELL OF THE LIVING DEAD (1980)
Mattei / Fragasso
"I was skeptical a film could ever make me uncomfortable through process alone, but that's exactly what Hell accomplishes with its shameless repurposing of genuine funeral stock footage as a zombie outbreak"
THE BLOB (1988)
Russell / Darabont
"
CHILDREN OF THE CORN 3: URBAN HARVEST (1995)
Hickox / Levenson
"
THE EXORCIST (1974)
Friedkin / Blatty
"
CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014)
Russo, Russo / Markus, McFeely
"Snippets of solid Cap action interspersed with lifeless CGI battles and a plot that can't commit to the severity of its concept"
MR. SMITH GOES TO WASHINGTON (1939)
Capra / Buchman
"A more fitting parable for the 2016 election you won't find, though the conclusion (of either) doesn't leave one with too many warm fuzzies"
JASON AND THE ARGONAUTS (1963)
Chaffey / Rhodios
"Damn cool movie that everyone should see"
METAL GEAR SOLID 3: SNAKE EATER (2004)
Kojima / Kojima, Fukushima, Murata
"The series starts to seriously spin out of control as its thematic aim is raised above the personal to the global level - the earnest attempt at framing history drowns in a spluttering climax and deadly serious allegory"
FIRST BLOOD (1982)
Kotcheff / Kozoll, Sackheim, Stallone
"An all-consuming thriller, frequently discomfiting with its violence, all the obvious Vietnam Symbolism doesn't make it any less grueling for an action movie"
CASINO ROYALE (1967)
I refuse to list every credited director/writer. Like a million.
"Goddamn insane and hilarious, never even remotely boring; a feature-length insult to human intelligence, and a great way to blow it all up on New Year's Eve"
TOP FIVE (not counting re-viewings):
Jason and the Argonauts
All the President's Men
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
A Nightmare on Elm Street
The Raid: Redemption
BOTTOM FIVE:
Hell of the Living Dead
The Imitation Game
Metal Gear Solid 3
Magical Mystery Tour
Godzilla vs. Megalon
You know your bottom five is truly miserable when Casino Royale '67 doesn't make the cut.
So there it is! 2016 in movies! Lot of interesting stuff in there, lot of filling in gaps. If I took anything away from this year, it's that I should watch more thrillers, more classic modern horror, and more New Hollywood.
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