Sonic Lost World Tropical Coast Zone 2: An Essay About It

Critics and scholars alike have long debated whether Tropical Coast Zone 3 is a level in Sonic Lost World. This is an insightful debate. In this five-paragraph essay following the MLA format and citing at most least one source, one aims to convince the reader (you) that Tropical Coast Zone 3 is a level in Sonic Lost World. Tropical Coast Zone 3 is a level in Sonic Lost World because it has bottomless pits, it takes place underwater, and it has the best musical track in the game.

In an interview with Nintendo World Report, Sonic Lost World Tropical Coast Zone 3 producer Takashi Iizuka said, "It really depends on the stage so it's not that 3DS is putting more emphasis on the wall jumping. It's just that the stages we've selected for E3 happen to put more emphasis on that and the Wii U version will have stages that require wall jumping to proceed as well so they're probably about the same in the emphasis of wall jumping" (Nintendo World Report, 2013). There is no wall jumping in Tropical Coast Zone 3. In fact, the walls are made of water, to which Sonic is deathly allergic. Therefore, there is no wall jumping in Sonic Lost World Tropical Coast Zone 3.

Tropical Coast Zone 3 is also a level because it takes place underwater. You (the player and reader) may observe this because there is a lot of blue and nice little patches of coral. Because the level is shaped like a tube, one may believe that this is the one level in Sin & Punishment: Star Successor. But no, careful examination of the disc in the console yields the game's true title: Sonic Lost World, in which Tropical Coast Zone 3 is a level.

This level is a ripoff of Sin & Punishment: Star Successor.

In conclusion, Tropical Coast Zone 3 is a level in Sonic Lost World because it has bottomless pits, it takes place underwater, and it has the best musical track in the game. My side on the debate is that Tropical Coast Zone 3 is a level in Sonic Lost World, and I feel this because it has bottomless pits, it takes place underwater, and it has the best musical track in the game.

Huge news: Nintendo debuts new console, Wii U!

That's right, you heard it here first - Nintendo, hot on the heels of their success with Wii and 3DS, will be taking the first leap into the next generation with the Wii U on November 18, 2012, exactly one year and three weeks ago today! The Nintendo Wii U will represent a brand new generation of home hardware for Nintendo, sporting 1080p next generation graphics, advanced media center and social networking features, sophisticated online support, and an unprecedented new controller: the Nintendo Wii U GamePad:

The future is yesterday.

The Wii U GamePad features a gigantic 6.2 inch embedded touchscreen and... okay. I'm gonna stop here. You're probably asking yourself, "why is he doing this? Where am I? What does it all mean?" Well, it's come to my attention over the course of every single conversation I have about "next-gen" consoles with casual gamers (namely family and coworkers) that no one actually knows that Wii U exists. Normally it comes up when someone asks "is Nintendo coming out with another console?", "how's Wii doing?", or, most recently, when I mention that I'm playing Super Mario 3D World ("is that on Wii?"). Realize that the "casual gamers" I'm referencing are not, like, my grandma. These are people that own consoles, are considering buying Xbox Ones/PS4s, and in some cases, owned a Wii. HOW IS NINTENDO DOING SUCH A TERRIBLE JOB AT MARKETING THAT THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEY'VE HAD A NEW CONSOLE AVAILABLE FOR A YEAR??? I've had this exact "wtf is a Wii U?" conversation at least five times in the past few months. That is extremely worrisome. It's not like consoles are something that gain publicity and attention the longer they exist, taking a while to build steam like a hot new fashion trend or a band heating up the local scene. They precipitously drop off the map like everything in the electronics world... especially when other new consoles get released. 

So anyway, I figured that Nintendo and their little engine that could are in desperate need of publicity, and as a blog that gets up to seven (!) human readers a day, I figured GNG may be the best and only chance they've got. That's why I decided to publish this press release detailing the debut of their console - now you know it exists, so spread the word! I mean, I don't care if you buy it or anything, I really don't give a shit if they sink or swim. That's their problem and a grave they've been happily digging for years. I'm just tired of people fucking asking me about it. 

Vitriolic E3 rant #427: Everything still sucks except Mega Man in Smash

The only thing that confuses me is that people are like really happy with Sony and think they're doing a fantastic job. 50% of voters in GameFAQs' daily poll said Sony's conference was "amazing". I won't lie, they're certainly upstaging Microsoft, but I haven't seen a single enticing thing about the PS4 either. I can't even tell how it's different from PS3. That's basically how they're "winning". They stand there and do nothing while MS completely implodes. And they still have a shitty uncomfortable controller with analog sticks in the wrong place. There's no arguing that it's top-notch PR work, but once I get a computer box in my house and plugged into my TV, I'm no longer actively comparing it to the other options on the market - I need to know what it does. It's funny how informed gamers think they are when they can't manage to process information outside of this fallacious "us vs. them" framework. Yes Sony looks a lot better than Microsoft... but take Microsoft out of the picture, then try to tell me what Sony is selling. It's not a fucking war! You don't have to buy any of them! Or you can buy all three! Can we stop acting like "better" == "good"? It's all derived from this must-buy consumerist/addict mentality that defines the "core" (dumb) gamer.

Sony nutshelled: a bland blue background, but at least it isn't Xbox One

I guess dumb-gamers are probably excited over the likes of Final Fantasy XV and Kingdom Hearts 3, but I have some pretty incisive questions about those. Like, when was the last FF game anyone liked? While opinions vary on XII, X was the last classic worth mentioning outside of the "which Final Fantasy doesn't suck" framework - and that came out over a decade ago. Same question for Kingdom Hearts. Since the first one - again, over a decade ago - the series has been treading water. And then there's the exciting thing where a bunch of the indie games I had just assumed were current gen are actually being shuffled to PS4, like Transistor (successor to Bastion) and Klei's Don't Starve. There's no hardware justification driving this, it's completely a marketing ploy. Luckily, they're all coming to PC too, so there's no apparent reason to get a PS4. And don't even get me started on how much I don't care about Elder Scrolls Online. Read lore books in real-time with your friends! "Online" sounds like a good excuse to make a much smaller game than Skyrim or Oblivion and then bank on iterative content delivery. And again, it's not like there's any point crediting it to PS4 - we all know it'll be on PC too.

As for the much-lampooned Xbox One Doritos Dew promotion, free giveaways with junk food have been part of the fabric of consumerism since 1993, so it feels silly to act disgusted. For instance, a quick Google search reveals a Fast Five PlayStation 3 giveaway from 2011. On the other hand, it's weird to see Microsoft advertising this kind of schlocky promotion at the biggest gaming conference of the year (instead of with a TV commercial). Normally such contests are meant to move Gushers or Coke Soda en masse by tying a lottery factor to an expensive and popular reward... this time it seems that MS is acknowledging that cheese-flavored snack chips have a stronger market position with gamers than their hardware, and thus they need to leverage junk food addiction to drive console enthusiasm.

Microsoft nutshelled: now with chips and tiny

Looking at things from an honest, game-oriented, non-competitive perspective, I have to say that Nintendo was the only one of the three to deliver a successful presentation. Maybe they aren't turning the most heads (being that Wii U is old hat), but they're the only company that has news, and any offering of a unique experience. Wii U is the only next-gen console that used E3 to increase the odds I'll buy it. If you were already sold on PS4 or had already damned One, their respective press conferences must've seemed thrilling, adding fuel to the fire of your pre-existing bias. But to a prospective customer who hasn't committed to buying a next gen console at all, they all have ground to gain, more than "we aren't destroying video games as you know it". Nintendo is the only company directly addressing their shortcomings: they need software. And they're showing software. Software that I want to buy. A new co-op Mario that lets us play as the long-dormant SMB2 lineup. Fucking Mega Man in Smash (come on, who wasn't pumping their fist when the Wily's Castle music kicked in - that's the kind of moment that makes me love games). Not a bunch of cross-platform already-on-PC junk. I don't want to sound too optimistic here: Wii U is still a long way from closing the gap. But it's making positive progress. By the same token, PS4 went from "couldn't care less" to "yeah I should get a PS3" and Xbox One went from "laughing stock" to "laughing stock with a few new jokes". Unless you feel morally obligated to buy one of these devices, there's no way to say that Nintendo didn't "win".

Nintendo nutshelled: you can't beat a surprise appearance by one of gaming's greatest heroes

I can't think of a less exciting time to be a gamer. Maybe it's because I'm 24 and I just don't have that youthful exuberance anymore, but I'm gonna be honest with you guys: I've always been a bit of a downer. I [would like to believe I] stopped being a naive fanboy around age 17, which didn't stop me from getting a kick from many E3s following. I had optimism. 2013 does not inspire a lot of it. Except I guess that if gaming goes back to a low-budget niche thing, that'll be pretty much exactly everything I could ever dream of. So in that sense maybe I am excited.

The Rayman / Wii U thing

This is a fun topic on everyone's mind, so I can't help but mention it. In August 2012, Ubisoft announced that the sequel to the acclaimed Rayman Origins, to be titled Rayman Legends, would be released as a Wii U launch title in November of the same year. Included in this announcement was the claim that it would be a Wii U exclusive. Nintendo and fans championed the game as a system-seller, one of the few third-party exclusives to get excited about. The development team was unable to ready the game in time for launch, and it was delayed to February 2013. Earlier this week, Ubisoft announced that the game was finished and ready for launch, but for business reasons was being withheld from store shelves until September. Oh yeah, and when it hit in September, it would be on Wii U. And Xbox 360. And PS3.

Nintendo loyalists and Wii U early adopters were understandably outraged - how would you feel if you spent $300 for a console just to play an upcoming game, then after the fact found out you didn't need to do so? I try to keep my opinions on the industry toned down on this site because every minute I spend Michael Pachtering, I could be analyzing an actual game. So I'll reserve my thoughts on Wii U (it's a piece of shit, a betrayal by Nintendo of its supporters, and a laughable business model that will be lucky if it only proves to be their Saturn, rather than their Dreamcast). But there's been a lot of outcry about what a terrible business decision (i.e. even if it wasn't costing them fans, it would supposedly be losing them sales) this is on Ubisoft's part, beyond being a slap in the face to consumers.

The primary argument is that releasing early for Wii U can't hurt, because it's not like Ubisoft loses out if they sell more U copies than 360 and PS3. What this suggestion circumvents is that by September, there will surely be more U owners than there are here in February (probably... I don't think Nintendo is tanking so bad as to expect more returns than sales), and it is well known that the majority of software sales are done in the first month after release. So if you've got five million Wii U owners in February, the MOST units you could sell in the first month is five million. For which you would need to achieve a 100% attach. But if by September another ten million Us have been sold, you can sell five million units by achieving a (much more realistic if still high) 33% attach. The only way to sell five million units with a 33% attach if the game is released in February is if you can maintain that rate for all new consoles sold over the next seven months. Not a feasible goal.

Everything Wii should have been in 2006... now a $300 console that feels seven years outdated

So while I'm sure some backroom dealing has gone on with Sony and MS to get themselves a bigger piece of the pie (with perhaps a few bucks slid Ubi's way), it seems to me that the most obvious reason for the delay is simply that the Wii U has not sold to expectations and has an unfavorable market forecast. A dick move my Ubisoft, but the blame is on Nintendo for being unable to get their console into more households. Fuck over the third parties and they'll fuck over you.

Is 3DS being marketed poorly?

Here's a quiz for you. Is the 3DS:
A. An entirely new software platform or
B. A DS that can play games in 3D

I only bring this up because this weekend I for the third time got into a conversation with someone who misunderstood what is a 3DS. The individuals in question were casual gamers and parents, who of course make up the largest consumer base for the device, so it's extremely important to Nintendo that they get it. But I've heard this enough times now that I'm going to refrain from calling my friends and coworkers idiots and pin this one on the N of America marketing department.

Is this a 3DS?...

In this 21st century and age, electronics consumers have gleefully fallen victim to incessant insignificant tech upgrades, with a new letter and number being added to every product name every year. This has impacted brand loyalty - maybe it's just because I'm an adult now, but doesn't it seem like people are less virulently Apple vs. Microsoft/Google/The World? - and mixed in compulsive dedication to owning the newest devices. Because god forbid that that phone you treated like a precious diamond in March actually be worth keeping for a year. 

Getting off topic.

"GET OVER HERE!" - Topic, 1 second ago

The point is that Nintendo has been edging toward this trend with its handheld devices - understandable, as they share market space with iPhOnEs and Droidbots and tablets. They've kinda been doing it for years - look at Game Boy Color and Color Game Boy (not a joke, they are very different). More recently, the DS had four revisions: 

the DS in 2004, 

the DS Lite in 2006, renewing the form factor,

the DSi in 2008, adding... I dunno something,

the DSi XL in 2010, increasing the screen area.

Shortly after the last of those, 

the 3DS came out in 2011 adding 3D (and also a whole new software library)

the 3DS XL in 2012 seems largely (EXTRA largely (sigh)) to have replaced it in stores..

...or is this one?

I listed them like that for a reason. Look how, were I Biff "Average" Consumer, I might not be able to tell the difference between the Lite to DSi gap, and the DSi to 3DS gap? As of 2010, four DS models existed and they all played the same games. [the following is the misunderstanding I've heard repeatedly]: Why do I need to upgrade again now in 2012? Oh, the new one has 3D and can play some of the old DS games in 3D, which the old DS can't. But... I don't really give a shit about 3D. I think I'll pass.

Then two years from now, these same people are going to be baffled why there aren't any new games for their DS, and how come Best Buy and Target don't sell any non-3D games? They don't realize that this was a generational leap, the same as PS2 to PS3, because Nintendo is spending so much time explaining "it can still play your old games!" Regular DS games are no longer being made, and the old device will soon be obsolete. 3DS has been marketed as "DS with 3D! and also a whole new software library", rather than what it should be, "DS with a whole new software library! and also 3D". Because whether you're looking at the incremental life-cycle of obsessive geek-turd phonelets or the stable as-of-six-years-ago console race, the idea of needing to buy a new platform for an entirely new generation of software is vanishing.

I expect the Wii U is going to encounter this issue as well, and hopefully Nintendo does a better job of distinguishing it as a complete hardware overhaul with its own brand new software library. Um, I say I hope, but they haven't, and it's going to be out in a few weeks. It's already going to be a hell of a time getting consumers who feel like they got burned on Wii ("it was fun for two weeks", "collecting dust") to come back for another round, without even touching the fact that the mainstream gaming press has seemingly already determined the platform's damnation. The 3DS may have bounced back, but the DS brand was in better standing than the Wii is now.

Oh well. Nintendo are morons at business. And I say that knowing full well that the company is run by people with more money in their pockets than I will ever see in my life. They just aren't gonna be in it for the long haul if they keep making stupid decisions; when your only strength is as a software company, how do you keep hardware afloat?