Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Random thoughts for the day

at 1:41 PM
None of this was worth making into a real post, or is really worth reading.

-Why do people love the springy Snakey Snake from Donkey Kong Country 2, but bitch uncontrollably when presented with Spring Mario from Super Mario Galaxy? Spring Mario is the much more interesting character variation. It provides a verticality to environments that is otherwise absent in Galaxy. DKC2 is already littered with towering stages like Kannon's Klaim and Mainbrace Mayhem. We don't need goddamn Toxic Tower. Furthermore, Mario is a precisely controlling character, so adding determinism to his movements is a change of pace. Since Diddy and Dixie already control like their feet are made out of banana peels, the loose-handling Snakey serves no purpose.
Some players reported heart attacks at this moment. I thought it was a great addition to the best galaxy in Galaxy. Certainly far better than pointless Fireball Mario (oooh, break crates for 30 seconds) or Bee Mario (what is this, Sunshine?)
-Oh noooooooooooo David Hayter isn't gonna be Solid Snake anymore. Maybe they'll get someone with a modicum of talent this time around. Admittedly, the main reason I've skipped the majority of the Metal Gear Solid series is that it plays like shit, I can't do long cut-scenes (Lord have Mercy on the time I tried to play Star Ocean: [this cut-scene feels like it's going to last] Til the End of Time), I can't care about the story ("you just have to start from the beginning!", k no), and stealth action is so overdone these days that why would I play what is unanimously agreed upon as the worst execution thereof? I could be replaying Splinter Cell: Conviction or Dishonored. Anyway, the non-main reason I have no interest in MGS is that Solid Snake sounds like such a pussy. Go watch Escape from New York. K, now you know what Solid Snake is intended to sound like. Now listen to David Hayter do the voice. When I hear that, I imagine Kurt Russell's character in the 6th grade, doing his nightly check to see if he got pubes yet. Spoiler alert: he didn't.
I also get quite the laugh imagining Hayter asking for some stupid amount of money from Konami, his ego so severely inflated that he thinks the series can't go on with him. "But I'm Solid Snake!!!!" No, Solid Snake is a drawing. You're a guy doing a comedy voice that sounds like a girl.

-Was Snake Man ahead of his time? Think about it. It wasn't until the X series (set like 100 years after the originals) that the Robot Masters / Mavericks started being animal themed. Was he a prototype for this transition, or a time-traveler from X's era? Okay so it wasn't a random thought, I'm just running with the snake thing. Fuck you too.

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