More facts for you to learn, for me and for you.
As with last time, here's the Google Docs link. Even if it fucked up the typesetting beyond belief, it at least shows you what I was going for with the pictures.
Editor-in-Chief: Greg Gentry
Ever wonder how Aliens evolved the necessity for a human host in their maturation process? Maybe Ridley Scott was simply using the film to express his creationist worldview. ☺
|Exhibit A: Ruled terrifying for children|
Finding sparsely lighted rubbish bins - known as "Daleks" on the Doctor Who television serial - petrifying, young children would hide behind the sofa when watching the programme. As such, "behind the sofa" has become a common expression in the Queen's English to denote a nostalgic feeling of utter, paralysing terror. ☺
Upon its release, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner received mixed reviews from critics, and Coleridge was once told by the publisher that most of the book's sales were to sailors who thought it was a naval songbook. William Wordsworth believed the poem to be a great deterrent to Coleridge's work by virtue of its strangeness and the lack of distinction of the eponymous character. ☺
The Streisand effect is a primarily online phenomenon in which an attempt to hide or remove a piece of information has the unintended consequence of causing the information to be publicized widely and to a greater extent than would have occurred if no contrary action had been attempted. It is named after American entertainer Barbra Streisand, following a 2003 incident in which her attempts to suppress photographs of her residence inadvertently generated further publicity and an episode of
. ☺ South
The period extending from the late 1940s until 1961 is known in the
as television’s “Golden Age”. During
this era, anthology dramas were most popular, almost all of which were
broadcast live. Programs were known as “teleplays”, often starring stage actors
and occasionally adapting classic works such as Macbeth. It wasn’t until the
popularity of filmed shows like The
Twilight Zone and Alfred Hitchcock Presents that this practice began to evolve,
and thus came the Golden Age to an end. ☺ U.S.
At its peak around 1920 (before women's suffrage), the KKK encompassed nearly 15% of the voting population of the
Talk about the good ol' days! ☺ U.S.
's favorite employer of blackface, was actually one of the
foremost promoters of racial equality on Broadway. He was widely considered a primary
advocate of the cause and was
seen as a hero by African-Americans of his day.
He is also credited as one of the key individuals in spreading jazz to white America . ☻ America
Splatterpunk was a movement in the eighties and early nineties in written horror fiction, characterized by the type of explicit graphic violence which exceeds even what we now refer to as “torture porn”. Imagine novelizations of Doom 2 (with corny names almost all including the words “meat” and “splatter”) and you’ll get the idea. It has gone down in history as the worst and most unnecessary usage of the “punk” suffix. ☺
English majors may already know that in the Middle Ages, it was common for authors to include retractions at the end of their works, begging for forgiveness for vulgar or simply unsatisfactory content. These apologies are known as palinodes, the most famous of which is Chaucer’s retraction of The Canterbury Tales. ☺
The author of the previous segment would like to apologize for any inaccuracies, misconstruction, or offensive content contained therein. He would further like to beseech for Mercy on his soul the Lord God on High. ☺
I am, as they say, on the lam. I've fled to a new town and am currently staying under the roof of a kindly old couple. The rent they ask is meager, and I'm enjoying my new job at the local filling station.
However, there have been reports of my crime, and crude depictions of my face have been posted in the news.
I fear the old couple may grow suspicious. So far, they seem unaware. Do I have nothing to worry about?
Well C.C., it’s a tough issue you’ve brought up, but that’s what I’m here for. Before we get too wrapped up in activities of questionable legality, let’s take a minute to remember that my name is not Abby, it’s Greg. There. Doesn’t that feel better? We’re halfway there.
Now, on to the issue of the concealed identity. For situations like yours, seasoned criminals rely on what they like to call “the three M’s”: the mustache, the murder, and the male-to-female sex change operation. That’s all well and good, but we don’t want you to end up as a bearded lady on trial for two counts of homicide! The trick is to choose the correct “M” for the situation.
The major factors you need to take into consideration are the severity of your crime, the limits of your public exposure, and your attachment to your penis. For instance: if you’re on the run for a series of unpaid parking tickets, you’re probably only making things worse by slaughtering every individual who recognizes your face. On the other hand, if you’re wanted for getting a little too personal with the kids down at the grade school, murder might be a good idea, both to decrease the odds of arrest, and to buff up your image before the inevitable jail stint.
Luckily, you seem to have found a temporary room and board situation, so you probably won’t be having casual run-ins with the men in blue. That in addition to your currently limited income would lead me against recommending the sex change operation. If anything, the procedure would probably just rouse the suspicion of your landlords! The elderly generally rely on major facial characteristics for identification, such as scars, makeup, and hair. I think you know what that means!
And one last piece of advice, C.C. Lose that job at the filling station! Think of how many people see your face when they stop in for gas!
Best of luck with your time outside the law. Hope I don’t see you on the news anytime soon!
-Abby (real name: Greg)