Thursday, February 21, 2013

Funday Times 2/11/13: A true facts newspaper

at 1:00 PM
This was a weird thing I did about two years ago for two months (three editions) that has nothing to do with video games. I stumbled across the docs today and figured maybe it'd be fun to publish. The original is formatted like a newspaper with columns and all, but Google docs butchered it to the point where copy/paste was just as good (see below). I doubt I'll write any more of these - far too time-consuming - so enjoy it while it lasts. And yes, these facts are as true as they are fun - most are simply block quotes from Wikipedia.

Google Docs version:

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A joke dated circa A.D. 400, recently translated from Greek, shows similarities to the Parrot sketch. It was written by Hierocles and Philagrius and was included in a compilation of 265 jokes titled Philogelos: The Laugh Addict. In the Greek version, a man complains to a slave-merchant that his new slave has died. The slave-merchant replies, "When he was with me, he never did any such thing!"

PSYCHO CORNER!
A cause of concern for the censors was that Marion was shown flushing a toilet, with its contents (torn-up note paper!) fully visible. Up until that time in mainstream film and television in the U.S., a toilet flushing was never heard, let alone seen.

In the early 1960s, after Beatles guitarist George Harrison revealed in an interview that he liked jelly babies, audiences showered him and the rest of the band with the sweets at live concerts and fans sent boxes of them as gifts. Unfortunately, American fans could not obtain this soft British confection, replacing them with harder jelly beans instead. To the group's discomfort, they were frequently pelted with jelly beans during concerts while in America.

Monty Python's late Graham Chapman was actually a faggot! He had a life partner named David Sherlock. After Chapman publicly "came out", a member of the television audience wrote to the Pythons to complain that she had heard a member of the team was gay, adding that the Bible said any man who lies with a man should be taken out and stoned. With fellow Pythons already aware of his sexual orientation, Eric Idle replied, "We've found out who it was and we've had him shot."

The predecessor to the MPAA's content rating system was a universally adopted protocol known as the Hays Code. This code, enforced throughout Hollywood from 1934 until the 1960's, forbids such ideas as sympathetic criminals, justified revenge, negative depictions of religious faith, and miscegenation, in addition to profanity (including the second Commandment) and implied sexual perversion or dance.

GET TO THE VIDEO GAMES ALREADY!
Bizarre niche Gamecube title Cubivore is actually a production of Nintendo second-party developer Intelligent Systems, famed for their Fire Emblem and Advance "It's not Famicom" Wars series. The game was published by Nintendo as Animal Leader in Japan, a sister title to Animal Crossing! Atlus decided to pick up the localization rights to the work and renamed it Cubivore for its Western debut. As part of the deal, Nintendo agreed not to bring the competing Doshin the Giant to the States, and we continue to rue that day.

The original Mask comic book on which the Jim Carrey film was based is considerably darker and more violent, concerning itself with the psychological effects of a tool granting ultimate power while destroying social inhibition. Stanley Ipkiss kills dozens of police officers who are investigating Big Head (the superhero he becomes when wearing the mask) and is eventually shot and killed by his girlfriend. Before the casting of Carrey, the film had been envisioned as a horror picture.

FACTS OF LIFE
Tired of blaming the U.S. military for countless wars and loss of life? Well try your hand at blaming them for Sonic - Sega was founded in the 1940s by American servicemen stationed in Japan, with the purpose of creating coin-op games to place around military bases. The name is shortened from "SErvice GAmes of Japan". The only title still known today from this early era is Zaxxon. After the video game crash of the early '80s, ownership of the company shifted to native Japanese - and the rest, as they say, is a very sad tale of woe, despair, and some of the worst games anyone has ever put to market.

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