Monday, December 9, 2013

Huge news: Nintendo debuts new console, Wii U!

at 6:30 PM
That's right, you heard it here first - Nintendo, hot on the heels of their success with Wii and 3DS, will be taking the first leap into the next generation with the Wii U on November 18, 2012, exactly one year and three weeks ago today! The Nintendo Wii U will represent a brand new generation of home hardware for Nintendo, sporting 1080p next generation graphics, advanced media center and social networking features, sophisticated online support, and an unprecedented new controller: the Nintendo Wii U GamePad:
The future is yesterday.
The Wii U GamePad features a gigantic 6.2 inch embedded touchscreen and... okay. I'm gonna stop here. You're probably asking yourself, "why is he doing this? Where am I? What does it all mean?" Well, it's come to my attention over the course of every single conversation I have about "next-gen" consoles with casual gamers (namely family and coworkers) that no one actually knows that Wii U exists. Normally it comes up when someone asks "is Nintendo coming out with another console?", "how's Wii doing?", or, most recently, when I mention that I'm playing Super Mario 3D World ("is that on Wii?"). Realize that the "casual gamers" I'm referencing are not, like, my grandma. These are people that own consoles, are considering buying Xbox Ones/PS4s, and in some cases, owned a Wii. HOW IS NINTENDO DOING SUCH A TERRIBLE JOB AT MARKETING THAT THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THEY'VE HAD A NEW CONSOLE AVAILABLE FOR A YEAR??? I've had this exact "wtf is a Wii U?" conversation at least five times in the past few months. That is extremely worrisome. It's not like consoles are something that gain publicity and attention the longer they exist, taking a while to build steam like a hot new fashion trend or a band heating up the local scene. They precipitously drop off the map like everything in the electronics world... especially when other new consoles get released. 

So anyway, I figured that Nintendo and their little engine that could are in desperate need of publicity, and as a blog that gets up to seven (!) human readers a day, I figured GNG may be the best and only chance they've got. That's why I decided to publish this press release detailing the debut of their console - now you know it exists, so spread the word! I mean, I don't care if you buy it or anything, I really don't give a shit if they sink or swim. That's their problem and a grave they've been happily digging for years. I'm just tired of people fucking asking me about it. 

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