Thursday, December 20, 2012

50 Movies to See on Netflix Instant Queue

at 10:24 AM
We're all familiar with my famous Mini Movie Mreviews, but here are some even microer recommendations at the behest of my recently graduated and free-time-laden co-bloggers. These 50 movies are all worth seeing, both for educational and entertainment purposes (I'll try to sum up why in a sentence each). They may not be my favorites, because you don't need me to tell you to go watch Lawrence of Arabia or Yojimbo - and anyway, I'm not sorting through Netflix in search of every movie I've ever liked.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Jim.
Jim who?
By Jim, you're gonna need a lot of popcorn for all these movies!
Ever notice that popcorn is actually an awful food to eat during a flick? The only things worse I think are tortilla chips and cereal. It makes such a loud crunchy sound in your head that you find yourself either missing lines of dialogue or chewing precariously slowly so you won't be.

I've linked directly to the Netflix page for each, though note that because IQ is so fickle, it's possible some of these may no longer be available by the time you read this. Listed roughly from least to most must-see-ability.

50.) Big Boss - Watch after Enter the Dragon makes up your opinion on Bruce Lee.

49.) Swordsman 2 - Super-corny '90s Jet Li. If you've never seen a '90s Chinese movie, you're in for a silly treat.

48.) Night of the Comet - Whoa dog, this movie has Chakotay! Otherwise a very '80s pastiche of scifi horror.

47.) Dreamscape - If I recall correctly, this movie is about Dennis Quaid having to save the president by going into his dreams. It delivers every bit of stupidity.

46.) Shinobi: Heart Under Blade - Very cool special-effecty ninja/samurai action.

45.) Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior - Thai humor might be baffling to an American, but the action kills.

44.) Sukiyaki Western Django - Basically this movie is just really weird.

43.) Hobo with a Shotgun - Gritty exploitation, but a lot darker than the title might mislead you to believe.

42.) Killer Klowns from Outer Space - It is what it promises.

41.) Grizzly Man - A documentary of a man's truly bizarre bear-centric journey into insanity. Herzog knows how to pick 'em.

40.) Supercop - Jackie Chan is hilarious, don't be a dick.

39.) Galaxy of Terror - A strange (and definitely NOT good) riff on Alien that contains the seed of Aliens (Cameron was the second unit director here)

38.) Groundhog Day - I'm assuming you've already seen this. It's quite clever really.

37.) I Know What You Did Last Summer - Come on man Jennifer Love Hewitt is so hot and remember that part where the trunk of her car is full of crabs? Crabs???

36.) TerrorVision - Ridiculously campy, everything you want from a silly '80s movie

35.) Memento - It's a good thriller and all, pretty funny too, just don't think too hard or the plot will fall apart

34.) Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer - Kind of a weirdly even-handed... well it says it right there in the title.

33.) Coming to America -

32.) Tell No One - This thriller is so twisty it'll probably snap your neck (ha!)

31.) Sherlock Jr. - Ah Buster Keaton, so fucking wacky. But don't let the silliness obscure his pioneering technique.

30.) Starcrash - An outrageously bad Star Wars ripoff. Southern C3PO, a sexy scantily clad leading lady, and so many lines directly stolen. They even have lightsabers and the Force Jr.

29.) Wasabi - IQ is disappointingly short on Luc Besson (they took down Kiss of the Dragon!), but no fan of the French action king could be disappointed with this one. I guarantee you'll go straight to IMDB to find other films starring Reno.

28.) Humanoids from the Deep - Trying not to list TOO many exploitation films here, this one is really all you need. It's the kind of film where (and I'm not making this up) the producers say "okay this cut is good and all but go film one of the monsters having sex with a woman, because we need that."

27.) Red Cliff - Solid historical drama sure to get your heart a-pumpin' Braveheart-style.

26.) Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog - Simultaneously riotous and heart-wrenching, sold by the supremely catchy songs.

25.) Kagemusha - A slightly overblown Kurosawa period piece with gorgeous colors and Nakadai at his finest.

24.) Hellraiser - Great spooky music and twisted art design, an utter aesthetic success.

23.) Duck Soup - I think I was actually in pain from laughing so non-stop during this movie.

22.) Flash Point - Fucking kick-ass Chinese cop/martial arts movie. So kick-ass. Nothing more to say.

21.) House - An inventive little low budget horror/comedy, almost nothing like the Hugh Laurie television vehicle.

20.) Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky - Bizarrely outrageous gore. Not as smart as better B-films, but with a sort of shameless dedication to kitchen sink every weird idea the crew had.

19.) Prince of Darkness - The only scary movie I have ever seen. Hauntingly dire and apocalyptic.

18.) The Host - Have a look at how much Koreans hate America in this sprawling satirical allegorical monster movie.

17.) Troll 2 - Notorious as the "worst movie ever made", you simply have to see it. I bet it's a lot funnier than you imagine.

16.) Enter the Dragon - The quintessential martial arts tournament movie, it's fun enough to watch just for the Mortal Kombat future-references.
15.) Commando - Arnold's finest, just self-aware enough. It'll make you a fan.

14.) Faust - Everything you need to know about German expressionism, plus it's actually kinda creepy!

13.) Beverly Hills Cop - Murphy's dry straight-faced delivery at its most preposterously funny.

12.) Every Which Way but Loose - I don't like monkey humor and I still found Clint's ridiculous farce uproarious.

11.) 13 Assassins - If you're tired of thinky samurai movies, this is the sword-fest you seek.

10.) The Muppet Movie - As feel-good as they come, full of laugh-out-loud humor and catchy songs.

09.) Rare Exports - Blackly comic fantasy adventure and meaningful male-bonding (i.e. not fucking bromance).

08.) Time Bandits - Can you say "greatest villain ever"? Who is more quotable than Evil?
07.) The Secret of Kells - The idiosyncratic animation alone is worth the run-time.

06.) Ip Man - Martial arts good enough to convert you to a fan of the genre, with pure Chinese melodrama.

05.) Re-Animator - The epitome of nasty hilarious B-horror, with the hammiest performances of all time.

04.) RoboCop - Hilarious satire of everything from corporate culture to violent crime.

03.) The Thing - The perfect combination of intense psychological and blistering visceral horror.

02.) The Wind that Shakes the Barley - Unromanticized tragedy with ever-relevant social themes.

01.) The Graduate - If you've already seen it, watch it again - an easy contender for greatest film ever made.
Hey, even more fitting since Andrew and Ezio just graduated!

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