Friday, August 17, 2012

Have a rocking roll tidbit for the day, Can fans!

at 3:37 PM
I'm sure all of my readers out there are Can fans. You are, aren'tcha, guy? You know well that Can is that super-awesomeville experimental avant-garde avant-fuck sauerkraut band from 1970s Germany, you don't need me to tell you. Of course you know! Your favorite song of all time is "I'm So Green"! Your second favorite song of all time is "Future Days"! Your least favorite song of all time is "Peking O"! Christ that song sucks! If I wanted to hear an illiterate Japanese man choking on an umbrella, I would've elected him for president!

Anyway, here's a craaaaaaaaaazy funzy fact for the Can-openers, as we call ourselves. Holger Czukay, bassist for (relatively unknown) German '70s rock group Can, originally worked as a classical composer/instructor.

Crazy, right?! That's it for today's ROCK N ROLL OF THE DAY N ROLL!

Wait, I just got a telephone call from Tom Telephone. He said "that's not a very interesting fact. As a matter of fact, it's barely a fact at all". I said, Okay Mr. Gradgrind, BE a dick. You want facts? TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE. Haven't you always asked yourself: how did the aforementioned H. Czukay, bassist for some band I've never even heard of called Jar or something, become a rock/jazz/avant bass guitarist while in his fucking 30s if he was some classical asshole before that? Fact time: he didn't! He doesn't even exist!

Okay I just got back from Wikipedia and it turns out that's not true at all. He totally does exist. Sorry for the misunderstanding; I mistook the word "fact" for "bad joke". Typo!

While I was in Wikipedia though, check out what I learned: Holger was converted to the ways of rock music when his pupil Michael Karoli (later to become the founding lead guitarist of Can't) brought in a record to play for him. The track he played? Well, rock fan, let's see if you can get it.

Was it:
A.) The Beatles' "I Am the Walrus"
B.) The Beatles' "I Am the Walrus"
C.) The Beatles' "I Was the Walrus"
D.) The Beatles' "Goo Goo G'joob"

If you guessed any of the answers, congratulations on making it this far into this fucking moronic post! But seriously folks, let's get serious for a second. Who the FUCK hears "I Am the Fucking Walrus" and reacts in any way except to tear the record off the turntable, snap it in half, and throw it out the window? All I can (!) guess is that Holger heard the song, said (in English) "holy shit, people listen to this shit?! And pay for it?", and either assumed that he could make money by doing literally anything on record, or set out to prove to the rock-loving youths of the world that actual music does exist.

We may never know the answer to these questions, but we're all better people for the existence of Can the Band. So next time you see "I Am the Walrus", a walrus, John Lennon's mummified dick, the Beatles in concert, or you just happen to be sitting on a cornflake, be sure to say "thank you! Can was worth it!"

1 comment:

  1. Man I just picked up on the gradgrind reference.