The rising
costs of prostitutes in the early 2000s (thanks, Obama) made it less
feasible for nerds to hire working girls to play multiplayer games
with them and listen to their weeping as they lost their innocence.
This coupled with the inability of gamers to be in the same room as
each other, as demonstrated in the series of global military
engagements now called the Console Wars, led to the advent of online
gaming. But we here at GnG are nostalgic for the days where we would
whip Cinnamon with the cord of a N64 controller after beating her in
a rousing game of Mario Kart, so let's delve into why people's
favorite Mario Kart Battle stage is inevitably Block Fort.
The stage
first appeared in Mario Kart 64 along with three other battle
courses: Skyscraper, Big Donut, and Double Deck and has been rebooted
in just about every subsequent Mario Kart game under names like Block
City, Block Plaza, and Fuck-It-Just-Put-It-In-the-Game-Again. In each
quadrant of the stage there is a technicolor fort which has two ramps
at its base that lead up to a second floor. On this floor the player
can find some item boxes, bridges to the second floor of the forts of
its neighboring quadrants and another ramp up to a third floor with
more connecting bridges and item boxes. The stage design is pretty
simple, but the structure of this stage forces a change in the
dynamic of how players interact compared to the other battle stages.
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In the
lesser three battle courses, the structures of the stages are similar
to that of the racing courses where players start going around and
around a predetermined course. Big Donut is this simplest of these
courses; players are only given the option to drive around the track
clockwise or counterclockwise. The battle element to this stage
occurs when the players' trajectories around the track come into
contact, leading to shootouts while players charge head on at each
other. Skyscraper adds a little more freedom with its perpendicular
bridges connecting the outer ring with the inner ring, but the style
of gameplay is fundamentally the same as Big Donut's. Double Deck has
even more options, but players will for the most part stick to
driving around in a pattern that suits them and stick with it, making
it functionally the same as the other two courses.
I find
that people prefer Block Fort to these stages because the style of
gameplay that they offer is too reminiscent of the racing stages. You
choose the Battle mode on Mario Kart because you got bored of chasing
after other racers on Luigi's Circuit, and Big Donut, Skyscraper, and
Double Deck do not provide a different enough gaming experience to
truly mix things up. Block Fort, however, does. The other battle
stages create a combat style that is like jousting, and Block Fort
creates a combat style akin to Medieval siege warfare. This is
facilitated by how the stage is designed to make the bottom level the
most dangerous place to be. The long hallways between the forts allow
shells to rebound repeatedly, making it difficult to navigate through
them without losing a balloon or two. This forces players to seek
higher ground, where they are less vulnerable and have a greater view
to rain hell down on the poor souls still karting around below them.
The connecting bridges throw a wrench to this plan because the player
is open to attack from multiple directions. They have to defend
themselves from assault, and the small openings into their base of
operations make it easy for them to close off entrances to the level
of the fort with banana peels and fake item boxes. The abundance of
item boxes, even on the top level of the forts enables players to act
thusly and shifts their mindset from one of racing around to taking a
wait and see approach. The square design of the stage also
contributes to players changing their strategy because it inhibits
the ability of players to race and forces them to slow down at the 90
degree turns.
Unlike the
other battle stages, Block Fort is a much slower stage that requires
a more cerebral approach because its design gives a substantial
advantage to defenders over attackers and The is not insurmountable
through careful planning and building up one's arsenal for those
attempting to attack the King of the Hill and this design choice has
its own advantages. The thrill of overcoming the obstacles and
sending an enemy crashing down from his highly defended perch through
good besieging tactics is more rewarding than winning a joust by
getting a well-timed star could ever be. Block Fort is a fun change
of pace from the rest of the game, which is why the title of the
article is the title of the article.
Now here's
me with sports!
Block Fort
= Darren Sproles
Big Donut
= Chris Ivory
Skyscraper
= Pierre Thomas
Double
Deck = Mark Ingram
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